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What Are Your Emotions Trying to Tell You?
Emotions arise when our needs are either fulfilled or unfulfilled.
The Mind, Explored.
January 14, 2024
In 1844, Karl Marx described humans as ‘creatures of need’, explaining that we experience suffering as we work to meet our needs.
Emotions - whether positive or negative - indicate if our needs have been satisfied or unsatisfied.
Example:
We may feel frustrated when our need for achievement is unfulfilled while we struggle to solve a problem.
Equally, we may feel joy when our need for connection is fulfilled through affection from a loved one.
Insight:
Developing a healthy mind involves learning better ways of recognising and meeting our needs, leading to more positive emotions.
What is a need?
Often, we think of a need as something necessary for survival, such as food, water, or oxygen.
However, a need is defined by its goal - which isn’t always survival.
Example:
If our goal is to drive a car, we need fuel. To use the internet, we need a network connection. Or, to drink tea, we need hot water.
Therefore, when understanding a need, we must understand the goal we are trying to achieve.
The goal of these articles is to explore what we need to make our minds as healthy as possible.
What does your mind need?
Various frameworks have been proposed to understand what humans need to survive and thrive, such as Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, Self-Determination Theory, and the PERMA model.
In future articles, we will explore the most insightful frameworks to understand what we need for optimal mind health, but there are principles that hold true for them all:
We all share innate human needs, but differ on other needs based on our values and how our experiences have shaped us.
Fulfilling our needs requires the presence of certain factors (e.g. safety, support, and freedom), as well as the absence of other factors (e.g. abuse, poverty, and instability).
Our needs change throughout our life.
The danger of unmet needs:
All dysfunctional behaviour is caused by people reacting ineffectively to needs that aren’t being met.
Example:
Abusing alcohol when our need for purpose is unfulfilled in our daily lives.
By becoming aware of our needs and learning how to fulfil them, we can prevent destructive behaviour and live more aligned with our values.
Tool:
Every time you feel an emotion, ask yourself which need is being activated, and how well it’s being fulfilled to make more or less space for it in your life.
For positive emotions:
What activity is making me feel this way?
Which need is this fulfilling?
How can I continue to meet this need?
This positively reinforces the behaviours that lead to fulfilment.
Example:
You may feel joy when having dinner with friends because this fulfils your need for connection.
This could prompt you to organise more dinners with friends.
For negative emotions:
What activity is making me feel this way?
Which need is failing to be met?
How can I address this unmet need?
By developing an awareness of this unmet need, we can identify the root of our problem and find a way to solve it.
Example:
You may feel angry at being bossed around at work because this fails to meet your need for autonomy.
If it’s too difficult to change your boss or job, you could fulfil your need for autonomy by working on a project of your own where you have total power over decision-making.
Reframing our feelings as indicators for when our needs are either being met or not being met empowers us to find a path towards fulfilment.
Prompt:
When you next feel unfulfilled in any aspect of your life, ask yourself which need is not being met - and enter a mode of action to fulfil this need.
Resources on Emotions:
One book: The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You (Karla McLaren) - Karla teaches us to listen to the messages within each emotion.
One video: Is core pain the same as unmet need? (The Counselling Channel) - a Professor of Psychology explains in under 2 minutes how an “emotion is really telling you that there is an unmet need”.
A short-story in one video: Alfred & Shadow - A short story about emotions (Anne Hilde Vassbø Hagen) - Alfred is supported by his friend Joy in understanding his emotions.
Written by Dr Manu Sidhu 🩺
If you’re interested in learning about our spiritual needs, and how to nurture our spiritual health, you may be interested in the most recent episode of the MindTech Podcast with Danny Sanchez, who is building the world’s first spiritual health platform as the Founder and CEO of The PATH.
When you learn what Danny and his team are up to, you may feel the same way I did - excited for an app that nurtures spiritual health in the modern world. Available wherever you usually get your podcasts and on YouTube.
Feel free to email back with any thoughts, questions, or ideas for us to explore.
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The Mind, Explored. is for informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information in this newsletter or materials linked from this newsletter is at the user’s own risk. The content of this newsletter is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of health care professionals for any such conditions.
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