The Social Approach to Mental Health

When we feel low or anxious, we’re often left to deal with our mind on our own. We’re told to exercise more, sleep better, eat healthier, and make sure to meditate.

We’re expected to pull ourselves out of a rut, as if we could be both the one in need of help at the bottom of the well as well as the one reaching out to help at the top.

But what if mental health was no longer approached as an individual problem, but more as a collective responsibility?

Insight:

Social connection is the experience of feeling loved, understood, and valued by others. Feeling socially connected depends on the quality and number of meaningful relationships we have in each layer of our social circles.

We rely on people in each layer for different needs, but each layer contributes its own unique value to our lives. For example, we may only feel comfortable confiding in a close friend or family member when we’re feeling down, while our broader community contributes to our sense of belonging and cultural identity.

Our Need for Social Connection:

Humans evolved as social creatures because our tribes could hunt better by cooperating, learn from the mistakes of others by sharing stories, and were more protected from predators in larger groups. Although our way of life has changed, our needs for belonging, security, and togetherness have remained, featuring in every model of human needs. 

In his Hierarchy of Needs, Abraham Maslow explained that it is only after we feel love and belonging that we can become the most that we can be:

The Human Givens Model proposes that humans come into the world with innate physical and emotional needs. The model defines nine emotional needs, four of which completely rely on social connection, while the other five are influenced by other people to some degree:

In the Self-Determination Theory, Ryan and Deci identified relatedness as one of our three psychological needs for motivation, without which our wellness and performance suffer:

Unfortunately, society has been getting worse at meeting these needs:

• Humans are the loneliest we have ever been, with 79% of GenZs, 71% of Millenials, and 50% of Baby Boomers feeling lonely.

• Participation in community groups is declining, such as sports, arts, and religious groups.

• People increasingly live alone, which comes with a 56% higher chance of depression.

Making the uphill battle even steeper, poor mental health often makes us withdraw from our family and friends due to:

• having lower energy, motivation, and self-worth

• becoming overwhelmed by social interactions

• fearing judgement or misunderstanding

• feeling like a burden

Social disconnection is so harmful that captors use social isolation as a method of torture. Yet, people struggling with their mental health often find themselves socially isolated when they need connection more than ever, leading to a downward spiral:

Tool:

We can break this downward spiral by facilitating social support at critical points in the mental health journey, creating an upward spiral:

71% of people turn to family or friends in times of stress. We often believe that ‘you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped’, but we can create optimal conditions for people to be helped.

What to do:

• Understand the type of support they need: "Would you like someone to listen, take your mind off things, or are you looking for advice?"

• Provide emotional support: provide a safe and supportive space for your loved one to talk through their thoughts and feelings, validate what they are going through, and empathise with the difficulty of it all.

• Be their companion: do activities together that support wellbeing and hold each other accountable on goals that support mental health, such as going on daily walks or avoiding alcohol. 

• Relieve practical stress: help with everyday tasks, such as paying bills or cleaning the house, to reduce stress by taking some simple burdens off their shoulders.

• Learn about their condition: understand what is happening and how they may be feeling.

• Connect with professionals: this factsheet explains how to get your loved one professional support and what to do even when they won’t accept help.

• Recognise early warning signs: family and friends can be the first to notice changes in behaviour and mood - detecting these and intervening early can ensure your loved one receives care before their condition worsens.

• Help with healthcare: attend appointments with your loved one, advocate for them so the healthcare team truly understands how they are doing, or simply drop them off so they arrive on time.

• Support regularly: consistently check in (even with just a text) to remind your loved one that they are cared for.

• Celebrate progress: positive reinforcement can keep momentum moving in the right direction.

What NOT to do:

• Don’t compare their experience: even though comparison can seem helpful in normalising your loved one’s experience and making them feel less alone, it can also pressure them to get over it or minimise what they are feeling; they would benefit more from space to talk about what they are uniquely going through, supported with your validation.

• Don’t belittle their experience: comments like “look on the bright side”, “calm down”, and “don’t worry” may also seem helpful, but they can feel dismissive and overlook their need for meaningful support.

• Don’t remind them of what they should be grateful for: feeling negative is most likely an appropriate reaction to a distressing situation; suppressing this with toxic positivity can hold your loved one back from processing the situation to a full resolution.

• Don’t force them to share: disrespecting your loved one’s boundaries when they aren’t ready to confide in you can make them close up even more; simply making sure they can talk to you when they need to is enough.

• Don’t try to ‘fix’ things: although your heart may be in the right place, your loved one may not be ready for advice just yet; be mindful that your impulse to dive into solutions may be your own coping mechanism to ease your discomfort or anxiety.

• Don’t gossip: if a loved one confides in you, respect their trust and don’t share more than they would want, unless you feel they or someone else is at risk of harm.

• Don’t use stigmatising language: avoid using words like “crazy” or using clinical diagnoses flippantly in conversation, such as saying “that’s so OCD” when someone is highly organised.

Johann Hari, in his book Lost Connections, shares an analogy used by Lauron Beachey when describing Amish people: 

It’s also important to remember:

• To take care of yourself: it can be emotionally stressful when supporting a loved one with their mental health; processing this healthily (with professional support if needed) will protect you and keep you well while you support them.

• You don’t need to have all the answers: simply being with your loved one while they navigate their own struggles can be the most helpful form of support while staying within your limits.

• Use resources and helplines: referring to more advanced support is necessary when you feel your limits have been reached.

• It’s hard: you may feel that you’re struggling to help your loved one make progress, or even hurt by their actions; remember that progress is not linear and all your seemingly small contributions create more supportive conditions for them to improve.

Prompt:

The next time a friend or family member appears to be struggling with their mental health, ask yourself what you can do within your limits, and reach out to support. We often underestimate the power of showing up.

Resources on Social Connection:

Written by Dr Manu Sidhu 🩺

If you’re interested in hearing founders, investors, and experts explain how technology is being leveraged to improve mind health, check out the MindTech Podcast, also hosted by Dr Manu Sidhu.

In a recent episode, Clare Purvis gives us the inside scoop on the product decisions at Headspace, including:

• How Headspace relieves acute distress (painkiller effect) and then guides users towards a long-term preventative approach (vitamin effect)

• Aligning value-based outcomes with payment models

• Clare’s bold bet on the next opportunity for innovation in MindTech

Available on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts and any other podcast platform.

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Disclaimer:
The Mind, Explored. is for informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information in this newsletter or materials linked from this newsletter is at the user’s own risk. The content of this newsletter is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of health care professionals for any such conditions.